The great pizza debate : To pineapple or to not pineapple?

I am sick…just SICK thinking about that sweet ass pineapple atop my beautifully cheesed, lightly sauced pizza. Yes you are also an animal if you get EXTRA sauce. Im calling 911 immeadiatly you pyscopath.

There is no circumstance that I can think of in which these tropical fruits would ever blend with cheesy sauced bread. And NO I can’t just pick them off becuase now my cheese is all sweet and thats GROSS. Even Gordon freaking Ramsay agrees with me…the judge has spoken.

As a child I lived In Dominican Republic and you know…they have A LOT of fruit, so I did what any other sane person in the tropics would do and I ate pineapple like a mad women. I could also murder a pizza but never did I dare merge the two. Fast forward 18 years Im 20 and have hated pineapple for years so its not that I think pineapple on top of pizza is gross its that that spikey fruit sucks on it own. I am an OG pineapple hater. And it will forever remain that way. I’ve met others who like pineapple they just know it does not belong on pizza and while thats enough to keep me at bay I cannot and will not condone their other pineapple snacking activites. For crying out loud the pineapple FIGHTS BACK when you eat too much they are all like “nah imma sting you becuase you keep eating me so here is some burning sensations so that you may stop”. If that doesnt scream “do not eat this fruit” then I dont know what does.

I know that this isn’t a trending conversation anymore but it’s still an epidempic, I should not have to fear that there will be fruit on a poor unsuspecting pizza tonight. I am however pro health and think we should all eat healthier but this is not an excuse, pizza is bad, unhealthy and no amount of fruit will fix that so you either go big or go home because I will not tolerate hawaiian lovers in my household.

This conversation is almost like the fact that you shouldn’t bring up politics at the thanksgiving dinner table. like politics, there will be no mercy so if you are ready to go head to head with me on this let me know but just be aware that you will lose. And at the end of the day everyone is entitled to opinions and prefrences………………except for this one, no you don’t get to “prefer” fruit on pizza thats a no go. Somebody tell my future husband quickly!


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